Peace of Mind

   Form crisis? nah that’s just another Liverpool fan barking down the streets. ‘He’s the best predator I’ve ever seen’, said Sir Alex few weeks ago. It’s true, considering the goals he had scored for United againts the best teams in the world in recent years. They don’t become bad players overnight, it’s only 7 games without scoring. Can you remember Michael Owen’g goal drought? Just want to say that after 10 glorious years supporting the ONLY United, it’s been a pleasure to see them playing just like the good old days, thrashing opponents with no mercy!!

   This is the college life, campus life. With bigger allowance and bigger city, it’s a recipe for disaster. I was in a private college in KL in June 2000, pursuing my diploma in Interior Design. It’s a two years course, but end up 6 month late, again because the lack of dedication and dicipline. The college was in the heart of KL, a place where you can get anything by foot.

   Accidently, the hostel that I was living in is just a step away from a snooker centre, down the road. Although my studies is going fine in the first year, the interest in snooker really set me crazy. I can balance both world though, but it’s really tough, really tough. But thats not what im going to write here, now. In my 2 1/2 years there, I’ve been moving houses/ rooms about 4 times. Those times where I experienced the most difficult time of my life. You can ask my friends what it is like living in a shoplot house where safety and comfort is far away from reality and tension and survival is very much in the mind all the time. there’s no place to work our assignments, barely any hands to help throw away the rubbish full of maggots. You can find sleeprs and snickers all over the place, and even 13 people share the same toilets!! Life is a mess. there’s no way you can concerntrate on your studies and the same time thinking all these problems. Then I started moving around and even almost giving up my studies, the only hope of a future. The enjoyment of living in a big city, with lots of friends, pulling me in the wrong direction yet again.

   But luckily the mess didn’t last too long, a helping hand is always in the wing waiting for people in need. From my experience in the SPM era, it didn’t took me too long to be back on track. Starting from the extension of my semester, I have to admit that if I can’t go through this by myself, I won’t succeed in the furute, as a career man or as a MAN itself. After a 3 month lay-off, I’m back in the business. The final project dateline is looming large, with the right direction and mindset, it’s up to me now. This is it, the future is here. After a moment of mixed feelings and anxiety, it’s all over. 13 1/2 years carrying the ’student’ name tag, it’s finally over and im a ‘free’ man, as many people say. But it’s not a one- man journey. Without the help of the teachers who tought with honesty, the lecturers who show passion for what they’re doing, families that never give- up on me, and friends who understands me and been with me through thick and thin.

   This life thought me about dicipline, that you have to have strong principles, commit yourself to what you really want to do, be positive and slef- belief. Learn how to be independant, life is a survival, and that’s so true. For some people, they might think this is just a small case to be a story, but this is my life from my perspective, and I think I’ve progressed quite well thinking what I’ve done with my life before. What I love about interior design, is the passion to succeed, the struggle to achieve and the fun of telling great stories. Well here I am, 2 years and counting, amin……..

   Never in my imigination before, i would end up being an interior designer, until the predicted disastrous spm result came out. The result is not too bad for my standard, maybe not bad at all actually, providing my lifestyle in the past 1 month prior to the examination as the evidence. But it very much changed my life, my principles, my thinking, and most of all, my ambition!

   It all began with me as a standard 2 student in the Sekolah Kebangsaan Sungai Gelugor, the oldest malay school in SEA. It’s my ultimate goal to be a pilot, a Jumbo Jet Pilot. Everyday i keep dreaming and dreaming, it’ll be a reality. Besides, I still sketching and drawing for fun, and for some pocket money as well!! Whoever remember me used to sell some of the drawings to my fellow schoolmates. A good A3 picture cost 30cents, and others 20 and even 50cents! Of course the Jumbo Jet is the most expensive! For a normal standard 2 boy, that was quite a business. That lifestyle continues for about 3-4 years until i left primary school for secondary.

   The seconday school lifestyle really took me by surprise. I was slowly drifting in a new dimension. I live a normal day- to- day life as I was before, but later in 1996 when I was admitted to the hostel, that WAS the turning point! The joy, the fun of staying away from the families that used to monitor my life is hard to explain. It was something that you wish happened a long time ago. I was slowly drifting away again from the real purpose of going to school. I don’t want to study everyday anymore, I don’t want to be prepared for the next test, I just want to have fun with my newfound friends and play football everyday!! There’s no Jumbo Jet anymore, there’s no great sceneries to live for anymore. It was all enjoy and enjoy.

   But lucky enough, I still have friends who tought an awful lot about life and the struggle to be independant. The enjoyment won’t last, my friends will have their own lives after this, am I going to lean on them forever? It’s all about survival, self- belief. Sometimes I was just thinking what am I going to do after this? To be a pilot? Hell no! I was never good Physics and Mathematics, let alone Add Math!! The dream of a 5 year old kid is just a fantasy in the past. Then I started to realise what I have achieved in my 11 years in school?? Just plain fantasy and lots of bullshit. But, I still have the skill and the passion for art, in general. I still can draw some decent pictures, just need some good polishing and practice. So I started doing some graphic design for our school t- shirt and selling some stickers. It’s pretty much the same as my primary school business, but with more dedication and dicipline, something that lacks in me. Although the time I realize what potential the SPM certificate could do for my future career, it was already too late to turn back, but a C3 in the art studies does give me a boost of life. The 11 years of dreaming and dreaming did produce result, that I can really draw! I have to do something with this God- given natural talent, I have to. I’ve found myself that day, it’s me in 1987, a 5 year old boy who loves drawings and play around with pencil and paper……

   My interest in art began as long as i can remember being in this world. From the first, untidy sketch to the latest masterpiece(just a phrase, although it’s no way near perfect), it’s been a long, exhausting, challenging and eventful journey. I am not successfull yet though, to be honest it’s just the beginning of what lies ahead of me, but i think this is the right time for me to jot down some part of my journey for the people who care, for an inspiration maybe? or just to spend some time knowing what other people are doing in their lives and why it is so precious to just let it go away. I just celebrated my 2 years in the working world by the way.

   I was 5 years old, my mother said that i first sketch a picture, a proper one, in a house, in a peaceful neighbourhood in Pantai Jerjak, my version of the famous MAS Jumbo Jet, together with the clouds, using some colour pencil. It was quite an achievement for me, as my other siblings are not really into art or deisgn, or anything to do with pencil and a sketch book. Everyday, to have the privilage to see the Jumbo Jet flying sweetly over my roof (Pantai Jerjak is not far away from the airpot), with the loud sound, the solid body, makes me wonder, I don’t want to draw the Jumbo Jet anymore, I want to FLY the Jumbo Jet. So, the journey begins….